Out of the Ashes
by trolltasm
Summary: Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and love is hard. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to. Sometimes it takes more to fix it than a person has to give... and sometimes there's just nothing left to fix. But where there's ashes, there's room for something new to grow.
1. Chapter 1

Kagome sat down on the edge of the Bone Eater's well, hoping that, for once, InuYasha wouldn't follow her.

Everything she thought she'd known when she'd come back, everything she'd expected, hadn't quite lived up to expectations.

InuYasha had welcomed her back when she'd returned to the feudal era after graduating. He'd missed her, he said, and to his credit, he had tried hard to make things work.

At first, she'd basked in his affection. He had attentive, doing his best to make up for the fact she'd left her family and life in the future for a life with him.

But now, she found that the things that used to endear her to him, like his temper, simply... didn't. At best they left her indifferent, but at worst, his antics annoyed her.

She felt shallow. She felt like a terrible person for not returning his feelings the way he so obviously wanted. They hadn't married yet, but he'd been hinting quite blatantly that he was ready for that next step and more.

Kagome couldn't picture him as a father. She kept seeing him with Shippo and there wasn't anything to show he'd matured since their traveling days. Any time she pictured herself with children, he was never in the picture, which at first had taken her aback. Didn't she love him?

Time had begun to make her question everything in the months since she'd returned to her friends.

So what did she do? She still loved him, but she wasn't sure it was romantic. Could they rekindle her love? Could she help him mature into the partner she needed? Did she even want to try?

She didn't know and that bothered her. It made her feel shallow and self-centered, like she was dragging him along the same way he used to drag her when Kikyo was still sort of alive.

"There you are," Miroku said, sitting down in the edge of the well beside her. "I thought I might find you here."

She gave him a wan smile. "Hey, Miroku."

She was unable to hide her turbulent thoughts and he picked up on it instantly.

"Speak your thoughts," he said gently. "And I'll do my best to help you."

She bit her lower lip but it only stopped the words for a minute. "What's love?" When he looked at her in surprise, she elaborated, "What's romantic love supposed to feel like, Miroku?"

He rubbed his chin with one hand but couldn't keep surprise from his face. "Truth be told, I never would have thought you'd be the one to question love," he said musingly. "You have always had more of it to give than anyone else I have ever met."

His words only made her feel worse about her changing feelings and she curled in on herself a little more.

"But," Miroku added with a curious look on his face, "even the purest of hearts can't keep love alive forever without support. I imagine this is about InuYasha, hmm?"

At her nod, he continued, "You have faced many trials together. You have continued to love him when others would have long since given up. But don't forget you are human, Kagome. It's okay to change your mind, and it's okay for your feelings to change. You still love InuYasha, right?"

She hesitated for a moment before she nodded. She did love him, just not the way she had before.

"But you no longer want him as a husband," Miroku said, more of a fact than a guess or a question, but she nodded again anyway. "You should tell him, Kagome, rather than letting both of you suffer in silence. He may be obtuse at times, but I'm sure he senses your withdrawal."

She jumped up from her seat and turned to gape at her friend. "I can't!" she shouted, her voice agonized and strained.

"He'll understand," Miroku told her soothingly. "It make take time, but he will understand."

But she shook her head vehemently. "Kikyo wanted to be with him, Miroku. It was the last wish she made and I think that's why I was brought here in the first place as her reincarnation. He had a hard enough time letting her go, but he still had me. I don't know how he'd react to losing me too."

Miroku's eyes were gentle. "He is not losing you, Kagome. You're still his friend. InuYasha deserves more credit than you're giving him. He would not force you to stay if you're truly dissatisfied with your relationship."

Kagome looked up at the sky, unable to think of a way to have the conversation she'd been avoiding with her hanyo friend these last few weeks since she'd come to her realization.

"Maybe," she said lamely.

"Have faith." Miroku stood and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Things will go the way they're meant to, Kagome."

He smiled. "We should head back, however. There is plenty left to be done before winter sets in. Sesshomaru is arriving tomorrow for his visit with Rin, and it is my understanding that Kaede could use a hand preparing her supplies and medicinal herbs before the first snow falls."

Kagome nodded and reluctantly followed Miroku as he led the way back to the village, thinking all the while how she would have the conversation she knew she needed to have with her friend.

The rest of her life, her future, was just as blank as her ideas at the moment. Once she talked to InuYasha, what would she do? What should she do?

Staying around might give him hope, and she couldn't hurt him like that. She knew all too well how it would feel.

But if she couldn't stay here, where would she go? Should she visit Shippo at school and return just before snow began falling? But Shippo had exams coming up and she didn't think he needed any distractions.

Sighing, she stared at the ground, lost in thought, all the way back to the village.

.

InuYasha sat in the hut he'd had built with Kagome in mind during the years she'd been away.

He'd helped building, feeling a sense of pride in making a home with his own two hands. He hadn't really had a place to call home in so long...

He sighed morosely. He wasn't an idiot; he could tell something had changed with Kagome. He just didn't know what to do about it.

She didn't look at him the way she used to. She didn't talk to him the way she used to. At this point, he'd almost be willing to go through one of her sit tirades because at least then he'd known she loved him, no matter what he did.

Now, no matter what he did, it didn't feel like she did. He had brought her flowers, seeing the gentle smile on her face when Rin had given her some, but it didn't fill her face with happiness. She'd thanked him, but it seemed more like it had pained her so he hadn't tried again. He'd brought her food, tried to help her with her tasks for the old hag priestess, but nothing he did seemed to make her happy.

Before, just being around her would have made her happy.

Had he hurt her so much that she could no longer love him like she used to? Didn't she see how hard he was trying to make things work?

He didn't want to lose her, too, like he lost Kikyo. He wasn't sure he could handle it.

He glanced over at their bedding, separated and on opposite sides of the hut. When she'd returned, she had been so happy and he'd thought it wouldn't be long until they were married. She'd even greeted his stupid half-brother bastard like her brother-in-law. He had almost been able to picture their children together, growing up side by side with Miroku's and Sango's growing hoard.

All of that seemed lost to him now.

Try as he might, he couldn't figure out what had changed—or why.

He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her to be unhappy, either. But he was simply out of ideas on how to change anything.

He stood up and tucked his hands in his sleeves. He'd talk to Sango. She was Kagome's best friend and she could give him a female opinion on what he should do.

He found Sango inside her hut, preparing dinner as her twins napped on their bedding and her son babbled in his carrier on her back.

Without preamble or social niceties, he rattled off the whole story, including anything and everything he could think of that might be relevant or important.

Sango hadn't seemed surprised, either to see him or by his story. She just listened and nodded here and there until he was done.

When he finally stopped talking, it was because he had nothing left to say. He felt better in a way because it was finally out, but he also felt emotionally strained. He'd never talked so much about his feelings before, not even with Kagome.

"InuYasha," Sango said slowly, stirring the pot as she added in the last ingredients. "Have you spoken to Kagome about any of this?"

"Keh." Obviously he hadn't; if he had, he wouldn't be seeking Sango's advice now.

She sighed and put her hands on her the floor to brace herself as she stood and he wondered at her wobble. Was she pregnant again?

Miroku was clearly living up to his promise to have as many children as he could.

"Talk to her." She met his eyes with a stern expression that dared him to protest. "No matter what's happened, she still cares about you. But neither one of you are going to feel better until you talk."

It was the one answer he'd been hoping not to hear. Talking about feelings was damn difficult and he wasn't very good at it. He could show Kagome how he felt by doing his best to take care of her, but the words just made him feel silly.

And lately he was afraid if he talked about their problems, she'd leave him. Even this awkwardness was preferable to Kagome abandoning him. At least as things stood now, he still had her.

Sango folded her arms across her chest and stood there silently, waiting for him to give in.

He caved after another moment, right when he was sure she was about to threaten to hit him with her weapon tucked in the corner of her hut.

"Keh," he agreed, doing his best to avoid saying anything else. He'd aired enough of his feelings already, even though he didn't feel as conflicted doing so with Sango. She was masculine enough that it didn't hit his pride as hard to tell her of his struggles.

"Good." Sango nodded. "And InuYasha?" She called after him as he turned to leave. "Don't wait."

He grunted his reply as he left her hunt, but despite her warning, he wasn't ready to go find Kagome just yet.

He was too worried she'd leave him if he tried.


	2. Chapter 2

There was an odd atmosphere when Sesshomaru arrived at the hanyo's village where he'd left Rin.

Even Jaken noticed it, which meant that it was more than a little blatant.

Unfortunately for the toad, it had also resulted in a large lump on his head for the decibel he'd used to demand rather loudly that the humans return his lord's ward from the horrible village.

Sesshomaru decided against finding Rin right away. He wanted to determine what was going on in InuYasha's village and see if it was prudent to allow Rin to continue to reside there.

The villagers may have grown used to his visits over the years, but they had enough intelligence to give him a wide berth whenever he visited—especially if Rin was not around to stay his hand.

He would not kill the humans who resided with Rin unless she came to harm in their care... but that did not mean he wasn't tempted.

He investigated casually, walking around as though he had no interest in anything. The villagers did their best to ignore him but showed no unusual fear or direct source of unease and so he slowly eliminated them as the cause of tension.

The older priestess where Rin resided was next but though her age seemed to be weighing more heavily on her body, he saw no signs of the tension that was rampant throughout the village.

He found InuYasha's friends and their small children but they, too, did not seem uneasy enough to be the source. There was a minor sense of frustration between the mated couple, but it wasn't enough to cause the rest of the village to be so uneasy and tense.

He then sought out his infernal half-brother. If the rest of the village was absolved of any guilt, that meant his idiot half-brother was responsible.

Sesshomaru flexed his claws as they flowed a faint green gleam. It had been awhile since his last decent fight—and loath as he was to admit it but the hanyo had become a decent enough of a sparring partner over the years. Not that he'd utter the words aloud and prop up the hanyo's already overinflated ego.

He stopped when he heard the conversation inside and felt the friction of his half-brother's priestess's reiki rushing against his.

Her irritation rubbed against him the wrong way, like a cat being pet in the wrong direction, and it prevented him from moving as his lip curled.

The pause was enough for him to pick up on the conversation taking place inside.

"Keh! Then leave! See if I care!"

He heard the hanyo stomp around the hut.

"InuYasha! That's not what I meant and you know it." The priestess sounded exasperated but also tired, giving him the impression that they had been discussing this topic for some time.

InuYasha huffed as Sesshomaru moved closer to the door in curiosity.

"You're still my friend," he heard the priestess say quietly. "I still care about you."

"But it's not enough, isn't it?" InuYasha asked quietly, and from Sesshomaru's new, closer vantage point he could see the hanyo by the front entryway, hands tucked into his sleeve as he kicked the ground. "Don't you see how hard I've been working to make this right, Kagome? I... I know it was hard on you with Kikyo and all—"

Sesshomaru couldn't see the priestess but her reiki seemed to pause in its fluctuations.

"I know," she replied, her voice cracking. "I know, InuYasha. I don't know what to say. I don't even know when things changed. I just know that they did."

"I would do anything for you, Kagome. I know that ain't always been good to you, but I'm working hard now. Think about that." The hanyo's tone had become pleading and Sesshomau's lip curled at the idea of his father's exalted blood begging a human not to throw him away.

_To think our line has stooped so low._ He ran a hand through his hair to quell his irritation.

"You have tried," the priestess's voice pleaded with her companion to understand. "I'm really sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I'll go visit Shippo for awhile, give us both some space to think—"

"Do what you want, wench. You always did." The hanyo stomped out the door. "But don't expect me to be sitting here waiting for you when you come crawling back!" he turned to shout before he stalked off.

Sesshomaru narrowly managed to avoid dodge his half-brother.

"Get out of my way, ya bastard. Rin ain't even here tonight," InuYasha snapped as he walked past.

"Perhaps you should avoid priestesses," Sesshomaru commented lightly, a little impressed at how his half-brother was able to keep rein in his yoki and his temper when he sensed both were wanting to explode with rage. "It seems your fate runs short with them."

"Fuck off," InuYasha snarled. "Or I'll give you the fight you're begging me for."

Sesshomaru raised a brow. If he let the hanyo continue on in his current mood, the boy was wont to attack anything that irritated him, given enough reason.

Rin was in the direction the hanyo was headed and for that reason alone, he decided to indulge in a sparring match with InuYasha.

"Very well." Sesshomaru pulled Tenseiga from its sheath. It wouldn't damage the hanyo more than bruising from force, but it would be more than enough to deal with InuYasha. "At the very least you shall provide some entertainment."

That set the hanyo off, as he'd known it would. InuYasha charged, claws flexing, but he swiped at the air where Sesshomaru had been.

He charged at Sesshomaru again, swiping, and again Sesshomaru dodged, enjoying the little game of cat and mouse as his half-brother growled.

On and on they went, InuYasha too slow to do more than catch his elder brother's wind, but Sesshomaru was impressed at the hanyo's control. So far, he had not given into his yokai blood.

But would the hanyo continue to act this if Sesshomaru attacked?

Testing the idea, the next time he dodged he hit InuYasha squarely across the back with his blade with enough force to cause the hanyo to stagger.

"Keh! Is that the best you got?!" InuYasha snarled.

Sesshomaru raised a brow as he launched another attack and again, despite the heavy blow to the hanyo's side, the hanyo remained in control.

If the fight continued on like this, it would never end, and Sesshomaru had better things to do than babysit the hanyo until his priestess changed her mind.

"You aren't giving it your all," he observed, watching his half-brother move slower than normal on his next swipe. "No wonder the priestess left you."

That triggered InuYasha's rage but instead of charging at his half-brother, his ears flattened as he charged at his own home instead.

The fool.

Resigned, he moved to save the priestess from the shower of wood that would no doubt follow. Rin would never forgive him if he did not.

He dragged her out, ignoring her protests and the way she squirmed against him.

Moments later, the hut was destroyed by InuYasha's claws.

"You destroyed our house?!" she demanded, glaring at the hanyo. "And you _let_ him?" she added, turning to glower at him.

"I was under no obligation to stop him," Sesshomaru pointed out as he released the priestess from his hold, wondering why he even bothered to defend himself in the first place.

The hanyo at least looked contrite as his temper faded. "Keh. We'll just sleep with Sango and Miroku until we rebuild it."

"InuYasha it's almost winter!" She threw her hand out. "We don't have time to rebuild!"

Sesshomaru was fascinated by the faint blush on his half-brother's face. Who would have thought that the hanyo was capable of humility?

"InuYasha, if you're trying to convince me of your maturity for a relationship, this right here, right now is not helping your case." She folded her arms across her chest as InuYasha's ears flattened. "And don't think I don't know how you goaded him, Sesshomaru. He would have tried to walk it off if you hadn't interfered."

Sesshomaru had to admit she had a logical argument, though he maintained his belief that InuYasha would have gone off on someone else if he hadn't interfered.

"I am not going to bother Sango and Miroku all winter and I'm not going to be homeless." She glowered at them both as if daring them to disagree and Sesshomaru himself impressed by the alpha she saw herself as. "This is your fault and the two of you are going to fix it. Either you're building me a new home, now, or you better find me one, even if that means living with you, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru refused to show any outside sign of how alarmed her statement made him but his half-brother didn't bother. The hanyo actually blanched.

"I'm afraid that is not possible, priestess," Sesshomaru replied before InuYasha could open his mouth and make things worse.

"And why is that?" she demanded raising a brow in what he suspected was a mimicry of his own actions.

"This one does not currently have what humans would consider a home and instead travels in winter and seeks shelter only when necessary."

When she looked ready to argue, he added, "Rebuilding your home before the first snow would likewise be impossible; this one can smell the snow on the air even now."

"Then find me a place," she said through clenched teeth.

"Keh. Don't bother with the bastard." InuYasha snorted. "Like he knows of any places humans could live. That's why he dumped Rin here in the first place."

If only to prove the hanyo wrong, Sesshomaru said, "That is not entirely correct, InuYasha. This one does, in fact, know of a place where the priestess could winter in relative comfort."

When both the priestess and his half-brother gaped at him, he shrugged one shoulder. "His honorable father's shiro is still standing, last he heard. It would be suitable for the priestess."

Sesshomaru should have been bothered by the idea of the priestess in his father's abandoned shiro, but he wasn't. Perhaps it was because he himself had grown up there before his father had tried to bring another human to live there: InuYasha's own mother.

Later, he had left the human woman and her half-breed son there because it kept them away from him, but he'd always resented their taint.

Yet he oddly found that he did not mind her presence. He decided not to question it for now; it was always something he could reflect on later.

"Well, it's a home and right now I'm not picky so if it's available, we're going," the priestess replied firmly to the unspoken invitation. "We might as well take Rin with us, too."

That Sesshomaru had no issue with so he simply nodded.

InuYasha began protesting the moment she agreed but Kagome threatened to get the beads back from Kaede and sit him until he reached the United States of America if he didn't stop.

And in the end, that was how he ended up returning to his father's shiro after more than fifty years—and with humans to boot.

Oh, how his father must be laughing at the irony now.


	3. Chapter 3

They made an odd sort of entourage: Kagome, InuYasha, Rin, Jaken, Sesshomaru, and his dragon yokai she'd learned from Rin was named Ah-Uh.

InuYasha had insisted on carrying Kagome—he'd refused to let her go off with Sesshomaru on her own, even though she'd thought they'd both do better with some time apart—but that was one thing she wasn't willing to compromise on.

It had resulted in another argument that, to her surprise, Sesshomaru resolved by grabbing and dropping her on top of the dragon.

Jaken had squawked in protest but had ended up with naught but a large lump for his efforts.

Rin had scrambled onto Ah-Uh without a word, though she had a huge smile on her face. She hadn't even questioned anything when Kagome had told the teen to come along to meet up with Sesshomaru.

Traveling with Sesshomaru was a little odd. Though InuYasha had tried to dictate their travel in the three days it took them to reach the great inuyokai general's palace, he had little influence. If Sesshomaru wasn't ready to stop, he simply didn't, and the two-headed dragon who followed the daiyokai seemed as tireless as his master.

Of course, if InuYasha attempted to put his foot down, it inevitably resulted in a brawl. Sesshomaru, to his credit, didn't bother to stoop to InuYasha's level and fought only when the hanyo left him no choice.

Even then, Kagome had the impression that the inuyokai was holding back—which, predictably, only irritated her hanyo friend further.

Finally, Sesshomaru's patience seemed to reach its limits on the third day as they reached the foot of a large mountain. InuYasha had been complaining for the last hour straight—by Kagome's calculation, at least; her watch had broken the week before and she hadn't adjusted to telling time without it—and there was no topic off-limits for his complaints.

"Cease your complaining, InuYasha," Sesshomaru said flatly but Kagome could feel the irritation bubbling in his yoki. "No one would not be in this predicament if it were not for your lack of control."

"Fuck off, Sesshomaru," InuYasha snarled. "I ain't the one who started the fight!"

"Perhaps not with this one, but did you not first start the argument with the priestess that led to the altercation with this one, InuYasha?" Sesshomaru calmly pointed out, idly running a hand through his hair.

"That's it!" InuYasha stomped over to his half-brother. "I'm sick and tired of you acting like you got some right to tell me what to do. You ain't our pops and ya no right. We're settling this here and now, bastard."

InuYasha whipped out his sword and pointed it at Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru's gaze flickered over to Kagome and Rin and then up the mountain.

"If you begin your climb now, you will reach this one's father's palace before dark," he said levelly.

Kagome figured that was his way of asking her to get Rin out of the way so she nodded.

"Follow the path. Deviation would be...unwise," he cautioned.

InuYasha noticed her leaving and seemed to take offense. "Oy! Don't you take another step, Kagome. I'm winning this fight and then I'll take you there myself."

Kagome ignored him and his continued shouting as she rode Ah-Un after Jaken who had already begun to lead the way.

"What's the palace like?" she asked, ignoring InuYasha.

Jaken gave her a surprised look and then muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I am Lord Sesshomaru's most loyal servant and even _I_ did not know about his honorable sire's palace."

"Don't worry, Jaken," Rin piped up reassuringly. "I know how important you are to Lord Sesshomaru."

_Well, I'm sure one of them is important to Sesshomaru, but I'm not sure about the other_, Kagome thought and gave up and resigned herself to waiting to satisfy her curiosity.

.

Sesshomaru joined up with them sometime later, followed by a curiously drenched InuYasha.

InuYasha wouldn't meet her eyes or anyone else's and his attitude was surprisingly sulky, more so than she'd have expected if he'd lost to his half-brother.

Kagome eyed them both but decided against saying anything. She didn't want to give InuYasha the wrong idea and saying anything about his condition would give him cause to think she was interested on his behalf romantically.

But the silence was daunting.

She tried at first to engage Rin in conversation but the girl was dewy eyed and though she answered Kagome's questions, it was obvious her mind was elsewhere. Kagome didn't even bother to engage Jaken; the toad was too busy grumbling to himself over not being told about Sesshomaru's palace in the first place.

But unable to take the silence any longer, she encouraged Ah-Un to catch up to Sesshomaru. "How long has the palace been in your family?" she asked, reaching to find a question that she hoped he'd answer.

He met her gaze briefly as she looked up at him entreatingly. "Not long."

"So your father had it built?" she guessed. At his short nod, she pressed, "Why don't you live there now?"

"It is unnecessary." He sighed and seemed to come to the realization that she was not going to let the matter drop. "This one's father built it for his first wife as a gift to win her hand. Later, when she bore him a son, he built her a second, more opulent palace up high in the heavens and she moved there. This one's father had then intended to move the hanyo's mother into residence here."

Kagome had a pretty good idea why InuYasha's mother wasn't moved in before his father's death so she didn't even bother to ask.

"So you moved in with your mom then," Kagome prompted.

Sesshomaru frowned but he didn't tell her to stop talking. "This one was of age so he left. It is customary for our kind to wander until mating, though not all cease doing so."

"And you have no children or mate," she guessed and he nodded his head slightly. "People sometimes do that where I'm from—ah, my village, too," she corrected lamely. "Some people move around their whole lives and never stop, bringing their children and spouses along with them."

"And your women allow this?" he asked and for the first time she thought he seemed curious.

"Some," Kagome admitted, "but some women like traveling, too, and they never settle down."

Sesshomaru was quiet for a moment. "It is different for inuyokai," he said quietly. "It is very rare for a female to travel unless at her mate's or father's behest. They prefer to live more comfortable lives, pampered and residing in opulence."

Kagome shrugged. "I guess I can understand that. I like traveling but I like coming back home, too. I want some place to belong."

Sesshomaru inclined his head and she got the feeling that he understood.

"We've arrived," he said and she knew the conversation was over.

She looked up to see a palace hidden in the mountains that probably could have rivaled the emperor's own, tucked into the landscape at the end of the path. It was hard to imagine that there was another palace more grand than this one, for this one was hand-painted with gold, blue, and red overtones and so elaborately decorated it almost seemed to have a life of its own. The main building in the center was four stories but most of the palace seemed sprawled out, surrounded by elegant gardens and orchards.

"It's amazing," she said, struggling to take in the fact that the palace was bigger than her high school had been.

"The servants have left," Sesshomaru said, shrugging off her compliment. "This one is unsure about how maintained the inside is."

She waved off his concern. "It doesn't matter. We'll be here all winter and the least we can do is help you get it all back in order," she said, eying the gardens that were perhaps a bit overgrown. She didn't want to just sit around, anyway, so frankly she was happy to have something to focus on all winter than the thought of being cooped up with InuYasha and his brother.

"Jaken," Sesshomaru commanded and she was amused to see how the little toad came to attention, "take the dragon and procure supplies for the winter."

"Keh," InuYasha groused as Jaken did as he was told. The toad gave InuYasha a dirty look, but the hanyo ignored it.

"Don't worry about him," Kagome told Sesshomaru though she noticed he didn't seem especially concerned. "Or me. We'll get ourselves settled in. Is there a certain area you want us?"

Sesshomaru shrugged one shoulder. "This one cares not."

She got the feeling that he wasn't happy in the palace, but he didn't seem unhappy, either. She tried to picture him living here with a wife, but struggled to form a full picture. Sesshomaru didn't seem the type to be gungho for marriage and it seemed out of character to see him chasing after little children through the hallways.

But then she supposed it wasn't really her business so she focused on finding herself a room to settle into.

.

A few weeks passed and Kagome was lounging on a bench in one part of the garden she'd recently tamed.

"You seem content," Sesshomaru observed, walking up to her.

"I am, in a way," she replied, thinking about recent events. InuYasha still tried to win her over, but his attempts seemed more mechanical, like he couldn't quit even if he knew there was no hope. But Kagome hadn't paid much attention since they'd arrived, focusing on helping Sesshomaru with his palace in the hopes of allowing InuYasha to see that things weren't working out between them.

Surprisingly, the snow hadn't fully settled on the palace and she'd begun to suspect there was a barrier around it. She hadn't felt one, but that didn't mean it wasn't there. Instead, the palace got cold but there was never more than a few inches of snow on the ground, no matter how much it snowed beyond the boundaries of the palace itself—giving Kagome ample opportunity to work on the gardens like she'd promised.

Sometimes Rin worked alongside her, but more often than not she was out playing somewhere with Ah-Un or Jaken or both of the demons, lost in her own little world.

Kagome glanced over at Sesshomaru to see his eyes widen just enough for her to catch his brief moment of surprise. "Then you would be happy here?"

She considered his question. "I don't know," she said but she wasn't surprised he'd asked. Lately Sesshomaru had been conversing with her more often; in the beginning it had simply been him answering her questions but the more they spoke, the more it seemed like he sought her out for conversation.

If she didn't know any better, she'd have said he was lonely, not that that surprised her. He had a preteen, a toad, and a two-headed dragon for conversation and none of the three really excelled at it.

"I think the palace is beautiful," she continued lightly, sensing that this was important for him to know, "but it's kind of empty, you know? No one's here but us and we're all sort of spread out. Not that I need servants, but it's just...lonely, I guess. But I think I could be happy here if I was with someone I loved."

She didn't expect him to offer her permanent residency here, of course, but she got the feeling that he needed reassurance from her that his father's home comforted her.

"InuYasha's mother was not," he said as she stared at him in surprise. "She was here briefly before the hanyo was born. The palace was fully occupied when she resided here yet she was not content. She continually requested that this one's father return her home. Unable to bear her unhappiness, he agreed, hoping she would later change her mind."

"And then she was attacked," Kagome finished quietly, seeing where the story was going.

Sesshomaru's silence was confirmation enough.

"I'm not a princess, so I can't say for certain, but maybe she just found the transition too difficult," Kagome said, feeling a need to try and justify InuYasha's mother to Sesshomaru.

"Perhaps," Sesshomaru agreed lightly. "But you do not."

Kagome shifted on the bench, noticing that one of her feet had begun to go to sleep. "No," she admitted, "I don't. If I had been with the man I loved, I think I would have liked it here, with or without servants. It's quiet."

And after years of constant turmoil, studying, and battle, Kagome found that the quiet that would have once unnerved her, settled her down instead.

"Hnn." Sesshomaru seemed to consider that as they both relaxed in the garden. He didn't say anything else, but then again, nothing was really needed.


	4. Chapter 4

The priestess was odd.

Sesshomaru watched as she tended to his father's gardens. The palace itself had once been the most opulent palace in the yokai world, but after his father's demise, it had fallen into disuse.

Yet her hand seemed to tame that. What had once seemed to suffocate him with its overgrown gardens and moth-ridden sheets had surprisingly begun to feel like _home_.

His mother's palace had never felt like home, nor had he ever experienced such a feeling in his travels. Yet here, with his eclectic pack, he found himself relaxing as he never had before. The hanyo, once the bane of his existence, failed to irritate him beyond a passing annoyance, and in an odd way, seemed to keep the palace alive when it was so sparsely populated. Jaken and Ah-Un often helped the priestess with her endeavors to restore the palace, the former unwilling but the latter willing and content. Even Rin seemed to enjoy the chores she was assigned.

What was more, the priestess had insisted on restoring every room in the palace, whether they intended to use it or not. His father's vast treasury had been mobilized to replace what could not be repaired by the priestess' own hands and before he'd realized it, the palace had begun to resemble its former glory.

And the priestess, true to her word, was content.

Perhaps, he allowed, it had been the hot springs she'd located in what had been his sire's bedroom. The spring had become clogged with debris but Kagome had been determined to restore it and restore it she had. She'd squealed with delight and had promptly moved in and he had been oddly unwilling to dissuade her. It _should_ have bothered him to have her in his father's rooms as though _she_ were the master of the house, but it hadn't.

It was only for the winter, after all. Wasn't it?

By the time winter was at its pinnacle, there wasn't a room or object that the priestess hadn't had her hand on. She'd rebuilt furniture, restored the wood, and had even gone with Jaken on several locations to the human city of Edo to pick up more elaborate and ornate items than the nearby human villages would have offered. No matter how daunting the task, she'd taken it on with a relish few, yokai or human, would have had to offer.

And yet Sesshomaru had done very little, though not for lack of trying in the end. Seeing the priestess work so hard had in turn motivated him, yet his claws prevented him from taking on more delicate tasks. He gouged wood when he attempted to restore it, he shredded cloth when he tried to sew or use it, and he torn into floor boards when he'd attempted to lay them into place.

Inuyokai, it seemed, were simply not homemakers and he'd eventually given up trying. The priestess, to her credit, had never scolded him for his efforts, though she had subtly tried to steer him into less dangerous tasks—for his possessions, at least.

The one task he had surprisingly excelled at was gardening. His claws could dig into the semi-frozen earth, allowing the priestess access to replant when necessary and to devise a clever irrigation that, come spring, would ensure that the living plants would continue to thrive. They also made swift work of overgrown plant life, which had delighted the priestess.

InuYasha, on the other hand, had dedicated himself to the priestess' every request, but more often than not he lacked any real patience or finesse and tended to find himself banished shortly after attempting any of the tasks he'd been given.

Sesshomaru leaned back against one of the wooden posts surrounding the palace. Spring would be here soon and the thought irritated him. What had started out as simply an expedient solution had somehow turned into a preferred one.

_Was this what you felt, Father?_ he wondered as he stared aimlessly up at the sky. _If so, this one can no longer fault you for what you chose._

He closed his eyes and tried to find some peace in the decision he'd knew he'd have to make himself.

.

Kagome leaned back in the hot spring with a happy sigh.

She'd kept her word to Sesshomaru and then some. The palace had been restored to its former glory—if not better, she thought to herself proudly—and it was not just habitable, but a palace able to inspire awe in anyone who laid eyes on it.

_Not that it's likely anyone else will_, she thought to herself. _I can't exactly see Sesshomaru being all that big on open house._

Still, the palace would catch him the eye of anyone he wanted to mate, should he choose to follow in his father's footsteps. Should he choose to wander instead, she was positive he'd find some other use for it. Rin, at least, seemed attached, so perhaps he would leave it in her custody. With the palace tucked away is it was, it wasn't like he'd have to worry about anyone finding and harming her.

"I wonder what he'll do," she mused to herself. "InuYasha fully intends to leave as soon as the snows melt. I can feel how antsy he's getting. But though Sesshomaru didn't seem thrilled to be here, it's not like he's tried to leave, either."

But she hadn't forgotten Sesshomaru's words, either.

_"It is different for inuyokai. It is customary for our kind to wander until mating, though not all cease doing so... It is very rare for a female to travel unless at her mate's or father's behest. They prefer to live more comfortable lives, pampered and residing in opulence."_

Would Sesshomaru ever stop wandering?

Part of her hoped he wouldn't. If he did, it was unlikely she'd see him again, for Kagome's wandering days were pretty much over. The Feudal Era would soon be unified, if she remembered history enough, but it would by no means be peaceful and Kagome knew the follies of a single woman traveling alone.

Sesshomaru, on the other hand, was different. Only an idiot would attack him and she doubted any would live to tell the tale. But if she were in his shoes, would she want to keep wandering indefinitely?

She sighed and sank back into the water, leaving just enough of her face above water to breathe.

Kagome knew she wouldn't be happy traveling indefinitely. She'd always traveled before with purpose, first for the Shikon shards and then after Naraku, and it would be too difficult to travel a long time over a long distance without some end goal in sight.

But as she'd told Sesshomaru, short journeys would be fun, if she could go in relative safety.

So what would she do, when she returned to the village with InuYasha? The Tokyo of her time didn't exist—in feudal Japan, Edo hadn't spread to the Bone Eater well and the surrounding villages. The megalopolis wouldn't expand that far for at least another two or three centuries. It wasn't like she could hop on a bullet train or get on a boat or plane and go somewhere. If she wanted to travel, it would have to be on her own two feet and she'd have to accept whatever risks came her way.

She couldn't go home, either. The Bone Eater well's magic had died out after her last travel here, to InuYasha.

InuYasha might travel with her, for a while, but eventually he'd want to settle back down. He'd been hinting at a family for a while before she'd told him how she felt, and traveling with him would only reinforce his old desires to go home and marry. And she'd want to go home, too, from time to time, but not for the same reasons he would. It would be cruel to travel with him and let him think otherwise.

"Gah!" She surfaced and pushed her hair out of her face. Whatever path she chose, something she wanted would be sacrificed.

.

A week later, as Kagome was relaxing out in the gardens under a heavy kimono Jaken had helped procure for her, Sesshomaru suddenly appeared and settled down on the bench beside her.

"You are happy here," he said, but unlike the last time they'd had a similar conversation, it wasn't a question.

She answered him anyway. "Yeah, I am."

"But not entirely," he guessed and she sensed his disappointment.

"No!" she hastily reassured him. "I _am_ happy here, Sesshomaru. I think a woman would have to be out of her mind not to like it here. Just look at how delirious Rin is."

They both glanced over to see Rin off in the distance playing some feudal era version of hide and seek with Jaken and Ah-Un. The girl might be older, but she hadn't given up her girlish antics yet.

"It's not this place," she continued, imploring him to understand her. "And it's not you, either, or yokai in general. I just... I told you before, I like to travel from time to time. It's been a really long time since I've had to stay in just one place and I'm a little stir crazy."

His eyes widened as if he hadn't expected to hear her say that. "So if you travel, you would be content?"

She smiled. "Well, yeah. I mean, I'd want to come back to rest, but yeah. I'm a little jealous of you, Sesshomaru. You can travel anywhere you want, do anything you want, and you'd be safe. Even though I'm a priestess, I can't really do the same."

"InuYasha would protect you," Sesshomaru said bluntly but she had the feeling she'd surprised him again.

"Yeah, he would." She sighed. "But not the way I'd want him to and that's not really fair to him, either."

"There is little in life that is fair," Sesshomaru said, surprising _her_. "This one has come to believe that you offer the closest approximation of it."

She gaped at him, unable to find the words to reply. _What?_

"What if this one were to travel with you?" At her surprised look, he added, "For a while. You could return here after."

Her jaw dropped further. It was the last thing she'd expected and Kagome, for once, was completely speechless.

"W-wouldn't other yokai care if you did that?" she finally choked out.

He shrugged. "Other yokai are not this one's concern."

From that, she gathered that if anyone complained, he'd simply dispatch them.

"Human lives are short," she tried again, unsure how to make him see what she needed. "I want marriage one day. Kids."

His eyes focused fully on her for the first time and the brilliant gold held her motionless. Even InuYasha's eyes when she'd fully loved him had not captivated her so.

"So have them," he said shortly.

She waved an arm around in frustration. "With who?" she demanded. "Who exactly do you see running up to me to marry and _don't_—" she cautioned him when she saw him open his mouth, "don't you _dare_ say InuYasha."

"Very well," he said dryly but she had the feeling he was hiding a laugh. "Is he the only male here?"

"I am _not_ marrying Jaken!" she hissed, scandalized. Even the _thought_ of kissing that slimy little toad—

He actually scoffed in irritation. "This one was _not_," he ground out, "suggesting him."

There was no way he was saying what she thought he was. No _way_.

"No!" She shook her head. "No, no, no, no, no. There's no way Sesshomaru just said that to me. This is all just some crazy dream brought on by me drinking sake with InuYasha last night. It was a horrible idea, and I regret it now, but—"

Sesshomaru covered her mouth with his hand to silence her.

"You're serious," she realized as she met his gaze again.

He nodded.

"But _why_?" she demanded.

He shrugged again. "Why does anyone marry? Children are not undesirable, and this one has begun to realize that your company is passable."

It wasn't a declaration of love, but frankly if Sesshomaru _had_ passionately declared himself, hell would have froze over, pigs would have flown, and her father would have come back from the dead. As it was, the current situation was almost outside the realm of believability.

"They'd be hanyo," she finally replied.

"So they would," he replied just as flatly.

"Doesn't that bother you?"

He paused, then said, "No. You have spoken of your world before and it appears that yokai will have no place in them. My line is therefore destined to die out without heirs to our once powerful line. Perhaps something of us will live on in humans."

"You don't love me," she said but she wasn't upset. She didn't expect him to and in this day and age, it wasn't required for a proposal. She wasn't sure if she could love him, either, but she also had come to realize that, without InuYasha, her prospects were almost none. Priestesses in this time didn't marry and most of the young men had already wed by her age. She could become a second or third wife but even the idea was repellant to her. She could marry a widower, but most of them were missing limbs or teeth or else they'd have already remarried themselves, whether they already had children or not.

That left yokai, and Sesshomaru was the only remaining attractive yokai left who hadn't married someone.

Perhaps she'd grow to love him, she mused as he shook his head. It would at least be a chance for happiness she might not otherwise have.

"It is a foreign feeling," he admitted. "But if this one were to love someone, he thinks it would be you."

A feeling of acceptance washed over her at those words. It was the most truthful answer she'd ever gotten from a man about his feelings and it was that that decided her.

"Okay," she said. "Maybe I can love you, too."

Something red flashed in his eyes before he bent his head to kiss her, but when she blinked, it was gone.

His lips were gentle at first, easing her into a deeper kiss that she had little experience with. But when she returned his affections with her own questioning touches, something seemed to implode within him and his kisses became more demanding, not allowing her to retreat enough to even think.

And then as he drew her closer to him, her mind shut down completely and she just focused on the passion he was inciting within her.

.

Sesshomaru ran his claws through her hair, careful not to inadvertently cut any of the strands with his claws.

It had become a familiar sight: Kagome sprawled over him, dazed and sleeping from the passion they'd shared. This time, however, she was sleeping from more than just simple exhaustion from their nightly activities, sleeping deeply enough that not even his movements disturbed her.

If this was love, he finally understood his father.

Nothing would convince him to give up Kagome now, not even his precious newborn children snoozing happily in their bed not two feet from them. Twin boys, with their mother's temper, their father's coloring, and a curious blend of their parents' power. They were hanyo, as Kagome had predicted, but stronger than InuYasha had been.

Perhaps it was because he'd surpassed his father or perhaps it was because of their mother's power, but it was a blessing either way.

For the first time, he finally understood what it meant to have something to protect that was worth any cost. Kagome had managed to restore a fire out of the ashes of his heart, freeing him to become the daiyokai his father had always believed he could be.

But it was in his wife and his two sons that he saw the promise of power, for nothing, not even his old conquest of Nippon, had ever made him feel so powerful as he did in that moment, looking after and protecting his family as they slept.


End file.
